My exceptionally brilliant Orthopedic surgeon has given me permission to put weight on my Ilizarov apparatus. The technology is such that all the weight goes into the 4 large pegs fixated into my upper tibia. I'm not taking any pain killers so I can track sensation. I check my pins daily to see how they are responding. All the signs are clear that I am not over doing it.
What I am doing is returning to my body after nearly 6 months of giving it over to this process of healing. With each new phase of healing there is a new learning and growth. These days I am exploring movement possibilities that initiate from many different orientations to the earth besides standing. Walking for me is still restricted be lack of ankle articulation. Yet, there is so much I can do when lying on my back and rolling onto my sides and belly, on hands and knees, also standing on my knees or on my feet with most the weight in my very stable left leg.
The level of strength and mindfulness required to move gracefully with this all this steel is enormous. My movements require enormous total awareness and precision to stay safe and grounded. Any miss step or wrong move could be bad, so I listen deeply and move with consciousness, a soul in motion.
LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN
Vinn reminds us of why we have come together as a group. We have come to listen to our innermost impulses and follow them, awaken our sensory perception and heighten our sensitivity to the elements. We have come to learn the Foundations of Soul Motion ™.
Something happened today. As if at an altar, I found myself kneeling, quietly worshiping, and praying within. Grateful to have arrived at a time in my life when I don't have a choice but to bow. There is no other way for me, surrender is all I know. Humility isn't a choice or something to seek, right now it's my natural state. This is what being on my knees in the dance teaches me.
At some point we have to meet the dance. The dance of life, the dance of partnership, the dance of becoming. Today we joyfully examined the dance of community. But first we sat quietly abiding in present moment awareness. I was pleased to note that I had slipped into a relaxed timeless state rather easily. After so many hours of patiently observing my current and crazy making condition I have a new perspective on the passing of time. Vinn offered us an opportunity to notice our gaze, and be attentive to how it feels in our bodies when we look toward the floor or across the room, if we zoom in or open our periphery vision.
I didn't shed one tear today. But there were tears in the room as we learned what it means to be seen, cared for, looked after and nurtured by our community. That too is a very humbling experience. To know that we are held and how to hold another. Like a magician, Vinn had the group in dance community playing on hunches and picking up on communal gestures. The emphasis was always on trust in the process and one’s own spontaneous response to the whole.
There was nothing to get or get wrong. We were invited to trust that we will know what to do when we know. We don't have to go out seeking because what comes next will present itself and we will respond in that moment. I know this to be true. My immediate life circumstance is also teaching me this. It’s the frame work that creates the form and the form allows the freedom. One destiny, many directions, Vinn would say, as the flock of dancers moved through the space as one. “You don't have to seek for it. It will show up. It will come to meet you.”
Through the dance, gestures, and exercise inquiries of the dance community there was nothing to find, nor figure out, nothing to make sense of only a framework that held the flock in the field of awareness. There was nothing to be, no individual self to be important, no one suffered from “terminal uniqueness”. The group became one.
Meet us in the dance. Join the movement. Soul Motion